Now that I made that Facebook page for this blog, I realize I’m losing some anonymity.
Anyone coming to read here from Facebook probably knows who I am at this point. And according to the stats I’m seeing, there are several of you.
I was just talking to a really good friend of mine about how strange that makes me feel.
I mean, I’ve written about some pretty personal stuff so far.
I fully plan to stray from that and get into some more light-hearted topics or even just write a little more lightheartedly about the same topics. But there were things I really needed to write.
And now, anyone can read them.
I always liked being anonymous on the internet. I’ve done everything I can to keep this blog separate from me. I created it with a different email, my name is nowhere to be found. The only identifying things here are the pictures of Matrix and some of the events I’ve written about. It’s so funny, there are plenty of people who know nothing about my family situation, nothing about the sexual assault, not even anything about my sexual orientation. But Matrix? Everyone knows about him!
I knew that anyone who knew me decently well who happened to come across this blog would probably figure out that it was me. But now that I made that Facebook page, they can know for sure.
I can’t decide if I want that or not. I realized that the most personal thing I’m worried about here is my sexual assault experience. And I’m not sure why I’m so worried about it.
I guess it’s just personal.
I’m not one to ask for attention, especially about personal things, and now I’m directly publicizing it. And only recently did I even really realize what happened. As in, within the past few months.
Maybe it’s just that having people I know read it makes it more real.
Or maybe it’s just that I didn’t want anyone to ever know this is me.
The internet is no private place, as I’m sure we all know. But it is so easy to trick yourself into thinking it is. Perhaps that is the only issue — I wanted to be invisible, but that’s not really possible anyway… is it?