I’m interrupting the series A Guy’s Guide to Feminism today because of something special. (We’ll get back to it on Monday, I promise!)
Several months ago, I was inspired by Liv’s anniversary post at The Chiongs’ blog, where she talks about seven things she learned from seven years with her wife about life and relationships. It made me want to write my own similar post for my anniversary with G, the nerdiest nerd I know.
Today is that day, my friends.
Well, technically tomorrow is, but today’s close enough, right?
Four years ago tomorrow, G and I decided to officially date, a total of two days after our first date.
Yup. We went fast.
I proceeded to break up with him a month later because I wasn’t ready to commit, especially over the summer.
And then a week later we got back together — well, as “together” as we could be in two different cities. (Adorable, amirite? #ew)
Not surprisingly, I’ve learned a lot from being with him for four years, too.
Here are four of the things I’ve learned from dating the nerdiest nerd. (I say that in the most loving way.)
1. It’s perfectly fine to do absolutely NOTHING.
When I first started dating G, I was the epitome of productive. I mean, this was back when I was in three shows, five classes (three of which involved outside of class rehearsal), regularly going to the gym, participating in residence life, and you know… having a life.
I even ran past G from a rehearsal to catch a bus to the airport once, and our goodbye was that passing wave.
I knew how to make ten minutes productive. Productive was how I survived.
But when I met G, I started skipping the gym, sleeping in with him, skipping my morning poli sci class to have breakfast with him (I was getting an A anyway) and just generally relaxing my insanely full schedule.
He loved to take it easy and just watch Netflix all day, where I was planning out my day to get the most done that I could.
Being able to do absolutely nothing is something I enjoy pretty often now, thanks to him. And it’s really helped me relax my attitude towards life in general. (If you’re anything like me in this respect, take his hint!)
2. Long distance CAN work.
After my first catastrophe of a relationship, I was a firm believer that long distance just doesn’t work and isn’t worth it.
But surprise, surprise — after just one month of dating, and a week of being broken up, we pulled off long distance for four months and then did that every year for three years. Last summer was the first that we didn’t have to spend apart.
I won’t say it was easy. That first summer was, because we were just getting to know each other. And as we got closer, it got harder.
But that made every reunion that much more worth it.
If you’re questioning long distance, just know that if you’re both willing to work at it, it can work. It only fails when one person decides they don’t want the relationship anymore — the relationship is what makes it work.
3. Be honest from the beginning.
I am the type of person that finds it really hard to get close to a person because I feel like what’s going in my head will be too much for others to understand.
This isn’t about being arrogant and thinking I’m too smart — I just feel like the way I think is a little different. People generally think I’m a little weird, especially in relationships.
In fact, if you talked to any of my friends, they’d tell you just how lucky I am to have met G. There aren’t many other people who understand me like he does. (And honestly, not many that would put up with what he’s put up with.)
Being honest from the beginning has always worked. We ignored the typical “rules” of what not to talk about and just blatantly talked about everything you’re not supposed to, from exes, to family drama, to whether or not we wanted children.
Yep, we pretty much dealt with the good stuff right away.
I actually still had a crush on someone else when I met G. He asked me out the day after G and I made ourselves official, and I’d had this crush for about two years. It wasn’t easy to let go of it.
G is the one who told me to go on one date with this guy to get over it.
You know what? As weird as that sounds, I did it. It was fun.
And every so often during our first year and a half or so, because I wasn’t ready to commit, sometimes I needed the freedom to meet other people and to learn more about my sexuality, because it was around this time that I realized that I am not straight.
As long as I told him about it, he was okay with it.
And every time, it confirmed that G was the one I really wanted to be with.
And look where we’re at now!
4. Jealousy doesn’t have to be part of every relationship.
Some of you might find this hard to believe.
And maybe it’s because I am really lucky with G.
But jealousy is not really a thing for us.
I mean, sure, it drives me nuts when girls decide to flirt with him as if I’m not there. But that’s just plain rude, and it does’t make me jealous. It just pisses me the hell off. (Like, really? I’m RIGHT HERE, woman.)
Jealousy exists because you don’t trust each other fully or you don’t feel like you are truly enough for the other person.
But G has never ever made me feel like I’m not good enough. He is an insanely good person. Like, I couldn’t look him the eye on our first date because of how much honesty was in them. (Cheesy, but 100% true — and I’m not one to avoid eye contact!)
Believe me, if you ever met him, there would be no doubt in your mind that he is one the truest, best people you will ever met.
He loves me despite what the absolute hell I’ve been through in the past few years has done to me, with my family and my sexual assault. He’s watched me tear myself apart and be the most irritable stressful person I’ve ever known. I know it wasn’t easy for him. I didn’t always make it easy for him.
But through it all, somehow, he still thinks I’m amazing.
And I think he is, too. (Seriously… who else is going to fix my blog when it shits code all over the screen?!)
So for us, it’s pretty clear nobody else us going to steal us away from each other, no matter how many others we invite into our lives.
Except maybe Jennifer Lawrence.
But G already knows that.
Happy anniversary, Spiderman. Love you!